Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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