You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
