it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
