know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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