i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
