I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
