i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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