My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
