it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This is classic penis vs brain.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
