I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
