Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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