My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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