I want to have your abortion
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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