i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
