Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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