My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize