I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
