i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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