Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
