just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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