You smell like stripper and shame
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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