Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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