the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
