Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
