OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
