im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
