I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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