are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
