I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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