Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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