yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
