I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
