So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The best revenge is premature balding
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize