Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
