Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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