Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize