I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
