my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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