Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
