How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You pole danced in your parka.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize