He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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