She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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