you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
