I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Life is so much better after having sex.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
