I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
