I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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