Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
