I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
