CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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