the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Randomize
