Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
