I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
