I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
