Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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