last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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