he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Of course I have a pirate flag
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
