Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
