I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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