When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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