i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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