:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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