If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
