I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
