After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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