Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
