Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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