i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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