it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
His hands were made for my vagina.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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