I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
