1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
