I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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