i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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