physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
