Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
