Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
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You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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