Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
