Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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