Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
