he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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