The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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